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For Genie

April 30, 2010

My Papa (grandfather) is selling his home and moving into an apartment with some elderly assistance. In going through the house, my sister found an old suitcase with some of the things I’d left behind when I moved out.  When it arrived today, I had some fun looking through old class notebooks and high school yearbooks and checking to see if anyone I knew was on facebook these days.

Then I came across something else.

Buried within the items was an envelope.  I recognized the handwriting.  I’m not sure how it got into this group of things.  I’ve never seen it before.

To be opened after my death.

To my darling husband and daughters,

If you are reading this now, it is because I am already gone.  I wish to make the three of you realise how deep my love for all of you really is.  But, as they always say, “it is harder for the ones you leave behind.”

I am writing this now because I do not know when the end will come.  I will always love you and the girls and I pray that your recovery from pain will come swiftly.  (You know that pain was my only fear.) …

I can’t even begin to explain the emptiness I feel right now.  To have just written the post below about how much I wish my mother was here to share my joy of (finally) expecting the twins, then to find this letter buried within a box that I thought held only fun things….

My BH is away on a business trip this weekend.  Skiddle is with her mom.  It’s just me and the dogs for the next 2 days until I meet Sara at the clinic on Monday morning for the ultrasound.

This is going to be a hard weekend.

She was 36 when she died.  She was only 32 when they told her she had terminal cancer.  I can’t imagine sitting down at such a young age and writing a goodbye letter to your family because a group of doctors had just told you that no matter what you do, nothing, nothing can be done to save your life.

Her birthday is Sunday, May 2nd.  She would have turned 69 this year.  I would gladly give up everything I have today for one last chance to hold her and tell her how much I love her.

I miss her so much.


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One Comment
  1. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult things have been without your Momma there with you. What a shock to find that letter, after all of these years. I hope that you are doing well, and that your appointment went well. Please give an update soon my friend.

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