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If you sprinkle when you tinkle…

April 18, 2010

… please be neat and wipe the seat.

Are you a hoverer? *squinty eyes*

If you are, please tell me why.  Is it because you think sitting on the toilette seat is unsanitary?   It’s definitely unsanitary when I have to sit on a toilette seat covered in pee.

I suppose you could make the argument that a toilette seat is unsanitary just because someone else’s ass was there before yours. But no more so than wearing a short skirt while sitting on a park bench, restaurant chair or bleachers at your kid’s baseball game is. The back of your thighs touch the same area where someone else’s thighs were.  Bust out the Lysol and call the gyno because OMG.

And if you’re wearing a thong under that skirt (you little slut) then your ass cheeks are sharing plenty with your previous seat mate anyway.

So why you gotta make me clean your urine up off the seat before I can piddle?  Hovering is not an option for me. The old knees are not what they used to be and all that.

And while we’re on this topic, why is your aim so lousy? Do you even stop to think that not only are your pantlegs covered with pee when you do this, but every other person to use that stall after you winds up with their cuffs dragging in it? You may not care that your urine is all over your pants, and you may not even care that your urine is all over my pants, but sweetie-darling, try and understand that having your urine soaking my pants is a very big deal to me. So knock it the frick off. Okeydokey?

Almost every public restroom today offers those nifty tissue seat covers. If we all use them, toilette seats across the nation would be nice and clean.

Wouldn’t that be neat?

Miss me, darlings?  More tomorrow.  Just had to get that off my butt.

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