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They’re Loud and They Smell Bad

April 8, 2010

When I picked Skiddle up from school on April 1, the first thing I said to her was, ‘Ribbit.”

See, we have this thing – whoever says Ribbit first on the 1st day of the month wins.  The loser buys ice cream.  So I was the lucky recipient of some nummy vanilla/chocolate twist with a cherry dip and life was good.  But then I had to go and take it a step farther.

I typically hate “put down” humor.  Like that chick, Lisa Lampanelli (or whatever), or people who smear wedding cake all over their new spouse’s face.    Scare Tactics, Punk’d, etc, I hate ’em all.  But the old Candid Camera shows were funny – mostly because they never tried to really hurt anyone or make them cry.

So, I promise you, it was with a light heart and fun intentions that I played a little April Fools on Skiddle.  When she got in the car she told me about her day, per our usual routine.

Skiddle:  Some girl told Madam Fromage (or whatever the French teacher’s name is. I can never understand it.) that she was pregnant today and Madame almost cried.

Smumzie:  OMG! Who is it?

Skiddle:  Who is what?

Smumzie:  Pregnant! Is it anyone I know?

Skid:  No, silly – it’s April Fools Day. [like, d’uh]

Smumz:  Oh -oooooh! I see.  What else is going on?

Skid:  Got a 93 on my math quiz!

Smumz:  Well done!  You and your dad worked hard on that all weekend.  Good job. Do you have homework tonight?

Skid:  Yep, but I’m so far ahead it’s not even funny.

Smumz:  Really? [she’s not known for being on time, let alone early]

Skid: Mmhmm.  Technically 2 of my projects aren’t due until after Spring break but since we’ll be gone away, I did them already.

Smumz:  Uh, yeah – so about that…

Skid:  *squinty eyes*  Yeeeees?

Smumz:  Well, it was a lot more expensive than we originally thought – and you know how your Dad’s really under the gun to get his latest research published.

Skid:  Get to the point – you’re killin me!

Smumz:  Well, we decided to cut the trip back from 10 days to 5 and…

Skid:  YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!  I’VE BEEN KILLING MYSELF FOR 2 WEEKS GETTING EVERYTHING DONE EARLY SO I COULD RELAX AND ENJOY THIS VACATION! IT’S THE ONLY THING I HAVE TO LIVE FOR [little drama queen. I wonder where she gets that from]. I’VE BEEN IN HELL AT SCHOOL AND I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU GUYS COULD DO THIS TO ME…

Smumzie:  Aw, come on now…

Skiddle:  THIS IS THE LAST VACATION WE’RE EVER GOING TO HAVE TOGETHER BEFORE THE BABIES GET HERE.

Smumzie:  That’s not true.  We can still go on vacation with them along.

Skiddle:  NO WE CAN’T EVER.  THEY’RE GOING TO CHANGE EVERYTHING.  Besides, babies are loud and they smell bad [huge pouting face].

Smumzie:  I think they smell pretty good.

Skiddle:  No, they don’t.  And they’ll go into my room and get into all my stuff. [sob]

See that right there?  That little sob?

Tore my heart out.

I never expected her to cry.  But at least she finally told me how she really feels about the Twinkles.  Short of poking myself in the eye with a sharp object to take my mind off the pain in my heart from hearing her cry, the best I could do is try to make her laugh.

Smumzie:  You’re right.  Tell you what.  We’ll make sure they understand that they’re only to address you as “Princess” or “Mistress J” – and they’ll have to bow in your presence and must back out of the room whenever you’re around.

Skiddle:  They’re still going to ruin all our vacations.

Smumzie: [sigh] You’re probably right.  Ok, so, the first time we try to go on vacation with them and they ruin it for us, let’s sell ’em.

Skiddle: [ Looking shocked at me] There is seriously something wrong with you.

Smumzie: Come on! We could probably get some good money for ’em!  Course, we’d have to clean them up first.  Can’t be selling stinky babies.

Skiddle:  Whatever.  I still CANNOT BELIEVE you’re doing this to me.

Smumz:  Um, did I remember to say, “Ribbit,” when you got into the car?

Skid:  WHO CARES?!

Smumz:  Well, in case I forgot, “Ribbit!”

Skid:  Are you freakin kidding me right now?  Who even cares about the Rib— hey wait a minute!

Smumz:  [gloating a little]

Skid:  *squinty eyes*  Are you messing with me?

Smuzm:  *innocent eyes*  Who me?  When do I ever mess with you?

Skid:  OMG! I can’t believe you just did that –

Smumz: I can’t believe you fell for it. [huge cheesy grin]

Skid:  That’s just wrong.

Smumz: heh

Skid:  That was a good one though.  I gotta admit.  [smiles]

Smumzie:  [whew!] So you forgive me?

Skiddle:  I’ll let you make it up to me.

Smumzie: Ok, I know just the thing!  How about I take you on an all expenses paid vacation to Disney next week?

Skiddle:  Very funny.

Smumzie:  I thought so.  Happy April Fools?

Skiddle:  Hey!  Let’s do one to Dad!  We can tell him I’m pregnant!

Smumzie:  [choking] Erm, or maybe not.

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From → Skiddle

One Comment
  1. Alexicographer permalink

    Oh dear, I’m only just catching up. Congratulations on the twins! Twins!

    Er, to answer your earlier post, we did the non-invasive screening (u/s and bloodwork) but were happy enough with the results of that we decided not to do anything further (I’m not sure what we’d have done about the further had we not been happy, nor how unhappy we’d have had to be). I think it being twins messes up the bloodwork part, though. This is such an abominably personal decision I really have no advice except to think through what if anything you’d do with the information once you have it.

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